Retracing-Steps

We connect, and disconnect, can this be kept? I want it like I hold my breath (toss and turn, toss and turn) Will I sleep here, where once I wept or lie awake, I can’t forget- Cost and cause, you up and left Will I chase you longer, my lungs are getting tired (I wish that we were stronger) Out of air I shout your name- were we cursed to wander? You’ve seen a million things, felt a thousand shades of pain- Do you fear this love will teach you one you’ve yet to name- (left alone, all fear and shame) Crumpling heart, flame to paper A loss to encompass like no other (suffer, suffer, suffer) (‘End before begin, end before

Blessed blasphemous you thought yourself a sinner when a saint Pictures painted darkness, chiding yourself in resentment as though you could be dim in a world where no light exists You flow glow as natural as fireflies You shine brighter than any shroud could hide I’ve always been watching just praying you’ll let me inside Splendor follows you, your heart alight You act in utmost dedication stoic to condemnation refusing to give any indication that you felt you were losing your fight Alight alight, your darkness fights Alight alight you’ll be alright You got too used to the deep of night These monsters haunt your

You are an old-rose memory Of snow and warm pillows.. Hidden so close to my head, as I dreamt You were as Peter Pan’s shadow, softly, discretely, sewing yourself- under my palms, beneath the soles of my feet To trace through every memory Desiring to see- feeling every flickering memory as me Inhaling every breath I exhaled, trailing behind following not as a hunter- not as deer tracker whose eyes dart and ears perk at my deep-wood trembling But instead as the doe, quietly observing me through deep fountain eyes (Craving, following, craving. A phantom, heart-drawn, mesmerized by its unashamed beating) I felt you like a shiver, politely

Exhales- sharp laughter! the world has brought us back together! in the fog of uncertainty the only need- take heed to wait …..and make the rash decisions I’m always one to take how many tears were lost? how long were you? did you forget, did you forget? (I need you) (what was the cost? I can’t hear you) (how long, how many miles of sky must our words traverse for any gods to hear our prayers) The universe circles and you slip back the foggy mist on swift legs of past you come, long-delayed parcel dropped sudden, in my lap I open you, gift giver, I open you soft smile, listening I open to you well-wisher do tell

Whenever I see him, a wave of emotion comes over me. A tangled feeling, like homesickness, like nervousness. Like something important to you is long gone. I have to stop where I am, to gather my feelings, and diminish him. To try to push him out. But I find myself straining my neck forwards, trying to see him before he fades back into the crowd. He glows like the sun, and disappears into the group of bustling people, going behind the clouds. He's gone. Look down at my feet. Little black shoes with flat bottoms against the cold cement. A few leaves rattle as they blow past me, and one settles in front of me. Bite my lip, and move my foot, gr

I walk silently down the long sidewalk, towards the road, watching my step. Always look down. I never understand how people can absentmindedly step on things. The back of my shoe is rubbing uncomfortably against the back of my heel, and I pause to tap the toe of my shoe on the ground to reposition it. Little swish of my purse, swinging back and forth as I walk quickly towards the crosswalk. Break into a little run as the sign flickers into a red hand, telling me I need to hurry up to get across.  Step up over the gutter, head right, past little shops and a place to get bubble tea. Scent of hot teriyaki  wafts from a nearby restaurant, and my

Click and clack. Click, clack. Susie and I walk in the direction of a favorite cafe. "Damn these heels." Susie says, shaking her head. "I wish I brought some spare shoes... These things could kill. I'm hardly used to them, even though I wear them everyday!" I'm not really listening her, as we walk down, passing little shops and so many asian restaurants. I can't stop thinking of him... I remember how he laughed, saying "Those heels could be lethal! Why do you wear them, anyway? " Stare down at my flat shoes as we walk. Why did he go? Why did he have to go? "--and then I was saying, 'how the hell can you walk in those?!'" Susie pauses, glan

Watch quietly, from my corner. Silently watching. Glancing away. I can't look at you, when you do this. Makes my insides go numb. Makes my mind buzz angry. Angry. Why can't I be you? Why can't I do that? Why can't I be loved? Uncontrollable. I know how wrong it is, but no matter how much I tell myself, I can't shake off the feeling. You have so much more. You have so much more. And you don't even have to try. Natural power. Flick your hair that way, mischievous smile, you get them all. You don't even have to want it. You can control everyone. Even me. You can make anyone grovel. You can make anyone feel bad for not being as good as you. And

-Must Give but Not Take- .Born to Regret. I came into this world, slightly chubby child, cute, sleeping for what seemed to be forever. Came into this world, and was automatically splashed into the waters that were supposed to save me from what was believed to come at the end. Unsuspecting, unknowing, all I would know is someone else is holding me, and I can't breath. So, cry. Not something that would feel holy. I was born and given the gift of regret. Repent for your sins, god is angry for what you do wrong, ask to be forgiven. I never took god seriously, but as if he's stubbornly grabbing onto me, I am given my regret. As if he's holding

Can you hear me whispering? Words flowing out of my mouth, water straight from my head. A flow I try so hard to control, a crack in the dam I hold. Can you feel me stare? My eyes begging for an answer, my eyes piercing through the words, that mean nearly nothing. A name. Three words, in total. A prayer. A foolish love. Do you believe in me? So naive, so foolish, so emotional. Can you feel the cold hands? The shivers, the chill. Of warmth that's been lost. From what isn't fire within, but a frozen paradise. Of dreams and sharp ice that can make you bleed, if you let them penetrate your mind. Can you see me bite my lip